


die lösung

by anenigmaticsmile



Series: Straight Through Me Universe [5]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anenigmaticsmile/pseuds/anenigmaticsmile
Summary: 'death is only the end if you assume the story is about you'





	die lösung

**Author's Note:**

> This work is co-temporal with 'without you', 'straight through me', and 'kairos', of the same series, as well as a fourth, Yixing-centric work that is still being a pain to coach through the time beats. Likely this will make more sense if the other works have been read first, but hopefully it works anyway, considering the body of its referential work is non-existant at time of publishing.

The first thing he notices is the warmth.  
That’s not quite right.  
It’s not warm – not like it had been just moments before. But it’s not cold either. It just is.  
The lighting is the same way. There’s no source for the soft glow in the greyness that surrounds him, but it’s still there.  
It’s calming, the utter balance.  
It’s also terrifying.  
\--  
Time passes differently in the grey ether – or maybe it doesn’t pass at all – but Luhan still ticks off the days in his head. He doesn’t get hungry, he doesn’t sleep, but he still tries to settle the nothingness into time.  
It takes two days for Luhan to realize he isn’t breathing.  
It takes four for him to realize he isn’t alone.  
And it takes seven for him to realize that he can scream.  
\--  
It startles the boys in the corner, the first time Luhan lets his voice tear through his throat. They jump as one, Tao already starting to cry. Kris shoots a tired glance at Luhan before tucking Tao’s head under his chin and patting his hair. Tao cries a lot.  
Tao cries a lot and Kris doesn’t have any choice but to tuck him under his chin and soothe him, and just that little fact makes the buzzing in Luhan’s mind so much louder.  
This isn’t fair.  
\--  
They were young. They were all so young, and their stories had barely begun.  
Maybe that’s what upsets Luhan the most.  
Or maybe it’s the people left behind.  
\--  
It’s twenty-three days, to Luhan’s best estimate, since they died, when the grey suddenly isn’t so grey.  
It’s murky, but there are little glints of colour that pierce through. There’s a blue, a sky in the pre-dawn, scattered with stars. There’s a silver, the edge of a knife. There’s a red, a pen written across a final project.  
And there’s a voice that’s perfectly familiar, cutting through with astonishing clarity.  
“I’m so, so sorry.”  
\--  
The murkiness comes, again and again and again. Each time, the colors glint through a little differently. Each time the voice cracks, apologizes, sobs.  
It’s tiring to know, Luhan thinks. It’s worse to be unable to respond.  
\--  
He gets his chance – they all get their chance – forty-seven days into their death, by Luhan’s reckoning.  
When Zhang Yixing stands in the middle of the greyness, too transparent to belong there, but there nonetheless, Luhan doesn’t even give him the chance to speak.  
He’s heard far too many apologies for the wrong reason. The next time he hears one, it needs to be for the right one.  
That takes time.  
\--  
Luhan thinks this is the end. There’s nothing beyond this grey nothingness.  
Maybe he’s right.  
But why, then, are they rotting away?  
\--  
There isn’t much left of Luhan when Yixing appears nearly opaque. Kris and Tao had decayed to bones and then dust, weeks prior. Luhan hadn’t understood why he was still around, then. But now he thinks that maybe this is it. Maybe he gets to save Yixing.  
Yixing starts, the way he always does. He’s dying, and he doesn’t care.  
Luhan gets angry. He gets cold. Something in his heart is tugging, pulling, screaming. This is his last chance. He knows this.  
He asks a question. Feels the place in his chest where his heart used to be suddenly empty.  
“I died! For what? For you to live like this?”  
I’m so, so sorry echoes from the place where Yixing had stood.  
\--  
Luhan had crumbled. He knows this. He can remember the feeling as the last of his flesh had putrefied and dropped from his skeleton. He can remember the crinkling feeling as his bones shattered, the tickle as they became powder.  
That makes this a little confusing.  
For one – he wears his body, the way it had been before he died, strong and lean.  
For two – he is home.  
Not China. China hadn’t been home for years.  
No, he’s home in a little apartment in Seoul, walls painted a light grey because it wasn’t as clinical as white. His feet sink into a carpet that he hadn’t been sure about, but it had been the right choice, of course.  
And he’s sore, like he’s just run for hours. Which makes sense, as he looks down. He’s dressed for football.  
His heart ticks up. Never mind that he should be dead. Never mind that he should be dust. If he’s home, then maybe – Minseok.  
He takes three steps forward. And there he is.  
If Luhan’s right, it’s been a year. It could have been a minute.  
Minseok watches a silver coin spin on the desk, head rested on a pile of papers. It’s painfully familiar and Luhan can’t help himself. He doesn’t expect his voice to work.  
“What is it now?” It comes out just shy of a laugh. He’s so surprised.  
Minseok stops the coin on the desk. Stares at it for a minute. Huffs out a tired breath and starts it going again.  
It hurts, to see him tired like this. There are bags under bloodshot eyes and his hands shake as he sets the coin up.  
“What’s wrong?” Luhan asks, feeling the Korean sharp in his mouth, unfamiliar after a year. “Can I do anything?”  
There are a thousand things that should follow that and none of them do.  
Minseok cries.  
“You’re dead, Luhan. Can you fix that?”  
And Luhan breaks into a thousand pieces because no, no he can’t. He breaks because Minseok is breaking Luhan can’t fix him.  
He tries anyway.  
Minseok’s eyelids flutter as Luhan kisses his tears away and for that moment, they are there, together.  
Minseok’s phone rings. Luhan glances at the caller ID. Understanding hits like a punch to the gut and he can’t figure out whether his tears are happy.  
“I can’t fix it,” Luhan whispers to Minseok’s ear.  
But maybe someone else can.  
\--  
When Luhan fades for the final time, it’s cold. He doesn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t the water that fills his ears and eyes and mouth and lungs.  
This time, there is no anger.  
\--

**Author's Note:**

> [talk to me](http://elliesword.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
